A Note to My Kids Before the School Year

This note to my kids before the school year was written in 2020, before a year unlike any other. Most of what it says has turned out to be true every year — the lessons that seem most urgent in an unusual school year are often exactly the ones that matter in every school year. This is that note.

Dear Kids,

This isn’t the back to school we thought we would have. I am sad but also strangely grateful. This “new normal” is giving you incredible opportunities like only challenging times can, and I know you will rise. This is what I hope you will remember this year:

What I Want You to Know This School Year

You own your education. You can mindlessly “show up” and do the minimum to get by, or you can decide, right now, to be a learner. Taking ownership of your own success is a skill that can benefit you for a lifetime.

You control your time. Each minute is yours, and it is up to you to make the most of it. You can waste thousands of hours on mind-numbing nothing or you can become more of who you have always wanted to be with that freedom. It is a dichotomy you will wrestle with for your entire life. Starting to figure it out now will be a game changer.

You can choose to connect. After so many months without the interaction that is crucial for real happiness, you now know why people are so important. Yes, it may be a little trickier to figure out, but any relationship that is worth it takes effort. Be willing to put in the work.

You can be flexible. The happiest people I know are the ones who can roll with the punches. Lately it seems like every week there is a new punch — but good news, we are all still standing. Knowing that you can thrive when nothing goes as planned is a gift.

You can be resilient. Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and disappointment, and I have seen you do that more in the last six months than ever before. Rarely are life circumstances ideal, but being able to make the best of them and still forge ahead will guarantee you a fulfilled life.

You can find joy in small things. With all the big, over-the-top fluff gone, life has become significantly less flashy. This simplification allows you to be grateful for the small moments that bring happiness. Starting to see life as a string of tiny miracles will change you forever.

You can ask for help. This is an unprecedented time that comes with a heavy load of stress and uncertainty. You won’t be able to navigate it all on your own, so reach out, share your struggles, and let people in. The ability to be vulnerable and comfortable with your own shortcomings will afford you a much healthier life now and in the future.

You are creative. With many of the typical “go-tos” unavailable, you will be forced to think outside the box. Variety adds interest and excitement to life, so take this chance to try something new, use your imagination, or explore what was formerly unknown. Tap into that inner kid who used to create something out of nothing all the time.

You can discover what you truly love. With the roar of the crowd gone and the extra accolades silent, you will have the chance to discover what excites you on the inside. Take time to enjoy the process of uncovering what internally motivates you. It is knowledge you will rely on again and again.

You can practice empathy. Difficult times often bring out inequalities, weakness, and loss. Instead of turning away or hardening against them, take a moment to comfort, help, and support those in need. The ability to see a need and fill it willingly and with love is what our world needs more of.

You can make your words mean something. With decreased interaction, everything you say will make an impact. Make every exchange — online and in person — a time to build people and emphasize the good. You have seen, firsthand, how a little hope and positivity can change the world. Decide now to be part of that.

You can add joy to your life daily. Once you discover the small things that make you happy, do more of them. We often keep ourselves down through bad habits and unconscious living. Choose to fill your life with the things that bring you joy.

You can engage with nature. Through all of this, nature has never been off limits, and being outside can fill your soul. Take a few minutes every day to unplug and connect with the real world. Putting this into practice will invigorate you like nothing virtual ever will.

You smile with your eyes. Show people you care by truly seeing them — not only for who they are now, but for who they can be. Giving people that attention and grace will not only change their lives, but change yours for the better.

No, this isn’t the ideal school year. But perhaps because of it you will have a jump start on discovering the ideal you — someone defined by more than a grade or an activity, with a little more depth, a little more experience, a little more heart. Someone who is a little more you.

All my love, admiration, and best wishes for an incredible school year in all the unexpected ways. Here for you every step of the way.

Love, Mom

Related Reading

• first day of school letter to my boys
• when the school year isn’t what you hoped
• sincere compliments for teens that work

Helpful External Resources

• Greater Good Science Center — resilience in children and teens

Frequently Asked Questions

What should you say to your kids before the school year starts?

A note to my kids before the school year covers: your belief in their ability to own their experience, confidence in their resilience, a reminder to find joy in small things, encouragement to connect and ask for help, and unconditional love. The best messages are specific enough that your child knows you were thinking about them.

How do you encourage a child going into a hard school year?

A note to my kids before the school year helps most when it meets them where they are rather than minimizing the difficulty. Acknowledge that things are hard, then remind them of what they are capable of: that you can control your attitude, that flexibility is a skill, and that small joys matter as much as big wins.

What is the best thing to say to your teenager before a new school year?

Tell them you believe in their ability to own their own experience. Tell them the most important parts of any school year have nothing to do with grades — they have to do with who they become, who they serve, and how they show up for the people around them. A note to my kids before the school year is most powerful when it gives them something to aspire to beyond performance.