Teaching Kids to Be Stone Catchers
As I read about and pondered the events that happened in Charlottesville, Virginia, I was struck with the responsibility we have as parents for teaching kids to be stone catchers rather than stone throwers — to love, to break the cycle of hate that is so prevalent, and to respect and learn from differences instead of fight against them. My mind wandered back to a recent article I had written about Stone Catchers vs. Stone Throwers, and I wanted to help my children understand that message more clearly and put it into practice.
After we read the article aloud together, I had them role play how to be a stone catcher. I wanted to see if they understood what it meant to stand up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves and to hold up principles without being combative and unkind, even when those around you want to do differently. I can think of no better lesson to teach my children before they return to school.
How We Did the Stone Catchers Role Play
We crumpled up 8 pieces of paper into balls and chose someone to stand before the group. We then had another person stand in front of them as their “Stone Catcher.” When the crowd shouted an insult and hurled a “stone” their way, the Stone Catcher had to step in, catch the stone in their own hand, and think of a way to defend the person behind them. Sometimes my kids understood how to do it on their own; other times it was more difficult and I had to help guide them. You can adjust for age and situation.
Stone Catcher Scenarios to Try
Person under fire: A teacher everyone hates
The crowd: “That teacher is the worst. She is so mean and yells all the time. I heard that she lives by herself with 100 cats.”
Stone Catcher: “How do you know? My brother had her and said she is a really good teacher if you are respectful in her class. That would be hard to live all by yourself and then come to school with all these kids. I see why she might get grumpy.”
Person under fire: The school bully
The crowd: “I can’t stand that kid. He is rude to everyone. He thinks he is so cool, but no one even likes him.”
Stone Catcher: “He is actually really fun when you get him one on one. Maybe he is having a hard time at home, you never know. Let’s go see if he wants to join us at recess — looks like he could use a friend.”
Person under fire: A new kid who doesn’t speak English well
The crowd: “Did you hear that new kid talk? He doesn’t even know English! He should go back to his own country.”
Stone Catcher: “I can’t imagine how hard it would be to go to school in a new country and not know the language. Let’s ask him to be part of our reading group so we can help him learn English better. It would be cool to find out where he is from and why he moved here.”
Person under fire: An autistic boy
The crowd: “There is a kid in my class who is SO annoying. He talks out of turn, never does what the teacher wants, flaps his hands, and makes all these crazy noises.”
Stone Catcher: “Is it David? I think he has autism. Some of what he does might seem strange to you, but it is how he processes things. Maybe you can ask his mom or dad how to relate to him and be his friend. Once you figure them out, they are super cool and funny. It takes a little extra time, but it is worth it.”
Person under fire: A boy who sings and dances
The crowd: “Okay, that kid is so weird. He never wants to play sports and spends all his time making up songs and dances.”
Stone Catcher: “Most of the actors in movies right now spent their years singing and dancing. He is really good at it too — have you seen him perform?”
Person under fire: A girl who struggles with reading
The crowd: “Did you hear that girl read today? We are in 5th grade and she still sounds words out!”
Stone Catcher: “Maybe she has dyslexia or something that makes it hard for her to learn. I think it is cool that she still tries even though it is hard for her. Plus, have you seen her play soccer? She is amazing.”
Person under fire: A little brother
The crowd: “He is so annoying! All he wants to do is make my life miserable. He whines so much and always wants to hang out with me and my friends.”
Stone Catcher: “Actually, he really looks up to you and is super fun most of the time. I think he only whines because he misses hanging out with you. Maybe you can invite him to do something one on one before your friends come over, and then ask him to give you some space.”
Person under fire: A girl who is lonely
The crowd: “She is so weird. She eats lunch alone because she smells bad. She barely even talks, that is why she doesn’t have any friends.”
Stone Catcher: “I am pretty sure everyone is weird in their own way, right? I know I am! I think the cafeteria smells bad, not her. We should invite her to come eat with us and get to know her!”
What Teaching Kids to Be Stone Catchers Looked Like in Practice
All in all, it was a great night of learning, and I hope it will make a difference for them and those around them. It wasn’t perfect — there were a few tears when the Stone Catcher missed and the paper ball flew into someone’s eye, and sometimes the Stone Catcher lines were far from what I would consider ideal. But overall, they seemed to learn and internalize what it meant to be a stone catcher in their own little lives.
Since then, we have been able to call each other out with gentle reminders to be Stone Catchers instead of Stone Throwers, parents included, and focus a little more on what it means to love.
Related Reading
Helpful External Resources
Frequently Asked Questions: Teaching Kids to Be Stone Catchers
What is a stone catcher?
Teaching kids to be stone catchers is teaching them to step in front of someone being targeted — to defend without aggression, to offer understanding without condoning cruelty. When the crowd is hurling insults or doing harm, a stone catcher steps in and tries to deflect with compassion and wisdom rather than throwing back.
How do you teach children to stand up for others?
Teaching kids to be stone catchers works best through role play rather than a lecture. Crumple up paper balls, put someone in front as the target, and have the crowd hurl verbal insults. The stone catcher steps in and responds with empathy rather than aggression. They internalized the concept in a way a speech never could have.
What do you say when someone is being bullied in front of you?
Teaching kids to be stone catchers means giving them actual words, not just the principle. Practice the scenarios: when someone is mocked for reading slowly, the stone catcher says ‘She still tries, and she is amazing at soccer.’ When someone is isolated, the stone catcher says ‘We should invite her to eat with us.’ Specific language in advance is what makes them able to act in the moment.
I love this idea! There’s no better way to teach something than doing it/role play. Living in VA with a rising Kindergartener, the timing of this is on point. Thank you, Brooke!
Yay! I am so glad it was helpful!
I really love the insight you’ve given on this topic through several of your posts here. I am going to share some of them (with credit to you, of course) on my Instagram Live tomorrow! Thank you.
Kim, thank you so much!! I can’t wait to work more with you!