Civil Political Discourse Starts in the Home
Civil political discourse starts in the home — not in Washington, not in the media, not in the classroom. Our nation has a problem with the way we speak to one another. Fire and hatred are spewed at every opportunity and the art of listening has been completely forsaken. While it is easy to blame those in power, the solution hits closer to home. An old maxim tells us to keep religion and politics away from the dinner table, but maybe that has been the issue all along. No one ever learned how to deal with differing opinions or ideas in a safe space, so when confronted with them now, vitriol seems like the only option.
Why Civil Political Discourse Starts in the Home
Civility takes practice, and if we don’t talk about politics in our home, our children will learn how to engage via Twitter and sound bites. They are not sophisticated enough to understand fake news, doctored images, or quotes taken out of context. If we don’t take the time to teach them, we run the risk of kids who believe everything they see and assign validity based on the passion of the response or the popularity of an image, pushing truth to the back burner.
As parents, we have the opportunity to change the trajectory of our nation — not just by running for office or going to the polls, but by teaching our children how to politically engage by thinking, listening, seeing multiple sides of an issue, and then agreeing or disagreeing with facts and with grace.
What It Looks Like When Civil Political Discourse Starts in the Home
We have a responsibility to quell the divisiveness. Parents should be less concerned with indoctrinating their children with only one side, and instead teach them to think, feel, collaborate, and look for solutions. What if, instead of presenting only one side of a debate that echoed our own political agenda, we educated our kids on issues and options? What if we acknowledged that all problems are complicated and that no solution is perfect? What if we let them sit in the middle — in the gray — with all the emotion and reality that accompanies that uncomfortable spot?
As we sit around the table, we can change the conversation. Let’s move from “how was your day” chit chat and device-dominated dinners and create opportunities to model thoughtful, healthy disagreement on issues that matter. Start young with something simple or local — recess rules, online school — then move to national discussions. Let them practice. And when you disagree, do it well.
How to Do It Well
Show them how to listen, really listen. Help them fact-check their own opinions and the opinions of others. Offer stories of people who legitimately feel differently and have good reasons. Share your own ideas respectfully. Admit when you are wrong or uninformed. Question them in a way that allows them to dig deeper without being insulting. Help them realize that discussions are not boxing matches with a winner declared after each round, but opportunities to engage and learn.
Teach them that it is okay to walk away still conflicted, undecided, or miles apart. It is possible to disagree and still love and even like each other. It is possible to change an opinion with humility. Evolving on an issue is a sign of an emotionally and mentally mature person who isn’t afraid to look beyond what they have always known.
Perhaps most importantly, show our children how to put people above politics. That kind, generous, and intelligent people all see the world differently, and that is what makes life beautiful. Their favorite aunt has a different bumper sticker from their incredible basketball coach. The desires of most good people are the same — it is the understanding of how to get there that makes things complicated.
The Stakes
What if we could raise a generation capable of repairing a political system that is so broken most people have lost all faith in it? What if they could undo the mess and rebuild America as the collaborative, diverse, dynamic country it was destined to be? Civil political discourse starts in the home — and the parents who do this work now are the ones whose children might actually close the gap.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How do you teach children civil political discourse?
Civil political discourse starts in the home when parents give children opportunities to voice and practice their opinions. Start simple and local — recess rules, online school — then move to national discussions. When disagreements happen, do them well: listen deeply, fact-check, offer stories of people who feel differently for good reasons, admit when you are wrong. The goal: children who know how to think, listen, and disagree with grace.
Why should you talk about politics with your kids at home?
Civil political discourse starts in the home because if you don’t teach them how to engage with differing opinions, they’ll learn from Twitter and sound bites. Children are not sophisticated enough to identify fake news or quotes taken out of context. Teaching them to think, listen, and work across differences is one of the most important things a parent can do.
How do you raise children who can disagree respectfully?
Civil political discourse starts in the home by modeling it: listen really listen, fact-check your own opinions and others’, offer stories of people who feel differently with good reasons, admit when you are wrong, and let discussions be opportunities to learn rather than battles to win. Teach them it’s okay to walk away still conflicted. Evolving an opinion is a sign of maturity.
