You Are Never Too Old to Feel Alone

You are never too old to feel alone — and knowing that has changed how Brooke moves through the world. A while back she was invited to a fabulous party with delicious food and lovely company. She looked forward to an afternoon of meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. She has taught herself to be a pretty outgoing person, even though it has not always come naturally. But walking in late, alone, recognizing only three people — that made her feel unusually nervous.

She chatted with the three people she knew but didn’t want to monopolize their time. She looked for a place to sit and eat. She bravely sat in an open chair and introduced herself to those she didn’t know. They talked for a bit, but they all had to leave quickly to pick up kids from school. She was left alone. She looked around for another open spot, but the tables were full. So she sat by herself for too many painful minutes. Not one person looked up and noticed.

What Happened in That Moment

She was unprepared for how awkward and lonely it felt. She went from a confident 39-year-old woman to an insecure 13-year-old girl in a matter of seconds. That horrible, cast-out feeling roared inside her until she couldn’t stand it for one more moment. So she gathered her things and left.

As she drove home and reflected on the afternoon, her heart hurt for the kids who feel like this every single day. Kudos to them for continuing to show up even when life disappoints on a regular basis. They are warriors. But you are never too old to feel alone — they are not the only ones who feel this way.

You Are Never Too Old to Feel Alone: The Truth

That experience made it painfully obvious that the feeling of being unwanted doesn’t end just because we grow up. We all want to belong, but so many men and women still feel lonely much of the time. They try but fail at friendship, watch from the outside, and still can’t find a seat at the table.

This moment, alone at the table, reminded Brooke to stop being so comfortable in the relationships she already has and to look out and reach out to the one who might need her. To be the person who doesn’t hide in the corner. Who introduces herself to the new girl. Who scoots over to make room. Who invites that extra person. Who widens her circle at every opportunity.

What to Do With the Knowledge That You Are Never Too Old to Feel Alone

The solutions are simple, though perhaps a little uncomfortable. It is saving a seat for someone who isn’t your best friend. It is sharing a sincere compliment with a teen who you think is just trouble. It is following up with a neighbor who has experienced heartache. It is asking the new person to join you for Saturday basketball. It is choosing not to sit alone at a soccer game, even if you prefer it. It is talking to the grocery checker instead of looking at your phone. It is insisting that the hard kid gets invited to the party and then making sure he feels loved.

This way of life — this inclusivity — can become a habit if we let it. It might take a while, a few years, or even a lifetime, but wouldn’t it be wonderful to be known as the person who broke down barriers, abolished cliques, refused to judge, and made this world just a little softer, a little easier, a little more accepting for all of us?

You are never too old to feel alone. Neither is anyone around you. With a little effort and a little time, we just might end up living in the kind of community that we have always dreamed of being a part of.

Helpful External Resources

Greater Good Science Center — the loneliness epidemic

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do adults feel lonely even in social situations?

You are never too old to feel alone — the feeling doesn’t end just because you grow up. Adults who feel alone in social situations often describe walking into a room as a confident adult and becoming an insecure teenager in seconds. The need to belong doesn’t diminish with age. What changes is that adults are expected to have outgrown it, so they suffer it in silence rather than naming it.

What should you do when you feel alone in a crowd?

Use the experience as fuel. The feeling of being unwanted is not wasted if it changes how you show up for others. That experience of sitting alone, of no one looking up, of going from confident to invisible — that is what builds the habit of looking for the person who needs to be seen and making room for them. You are never too old to feel alone — and the experience of it can make you the person who ensures others don’t have to.

How do you make people feel less alone?

The specific moves that create belonging: save a seat for someone you don’t know well, share a sincere compliment, follow up with someone who experienced hardship, ask the new person to join you, sit in the middle of the bleachers instead of the end with your phone, talk to the grocery checker. You are never too old to feel alone — and the people around you aren’t, either.