13 Ways to Help Kids Adjust After a Move

Moving can be tough on adults — but the need to help kids adjust after a move is something different. From the time Brooke’s kids were in school, every moving worry centered on how they would adjust to a new place, if they would find friends, and how to ensure their happiness. After moving nine times in fourteen years, these are the tools that have helped her kids transition to a new area relatively well and quickly.

13 Practical Ways to Help Kids Adjust After a Move

1. Be positive. When you tell your kids about the move, emphasize the upside. Tell them about the cool things they will find in their new city, people they might know there, sports teams they can root for. Show them pictures of their new area and help them get excited about it.

2. Be honest. As kids get older, it is important for them to understand WHY you are moving. When the Romneys moved for grad school, they talked about the importance of education and their choice of university. When they moved for area reasons, they discussed schools they liked better and needing more space. Kids can process more than we give them credit for, and it feels so good when the whole family is united.

3. Be real. While most efforts during a move are concentrated on being positive, it is also important to show your kids that it is okay to be sad and miss people and places. When telling kids about one move, Brooke started excited and ended bawling. It is healthy for them to know you can feel sad and excited at the same time. There are going to be tough moments — it is okay to be sad together for a minute.

4. Start fresh. One of the best things about moving is the chance to reinvent yourself. Brooke always emphasizes that her kids have the opportunity to go into their new school and neighborhood as anyone they want to be. If one child was known as the “grumpy kid” he can now be the “happy kid.” In a way, it can be really fun to start fresh and magnify good qualities while working on those that are not so great.

5. Get settled. The sooner you can get your house — and especially the kids’ rooms — put together, the smoother the transition tends to be. The physical act of moving is one of Brooke’s least favorite things, but getting to a functional home quickly pays off.

6. Meet with the principal. This is crucial. If you know the school your kids will attend, try to visit before your actual move to fill out paperwork and most importantly, make an appointment with the principal. Without your kids present, ask for her help in easing this big transition. Share what type of learners your kids are — their strengths, their weaknesses, their preferred teacher style. Bring test scores and grades from their former school. This step is so worth the extra few minutes and makes the rest of the year easier.

7. Meet with or email the teacher. Once you know your child’s teacher, introduce yourself and your student. Let the teacher know your child is brand new to the area and knows very few people. Brooke’s boys have had teachers who helped them assimilate into the classroom, helped them make friends, and kept her up to date on how things were going. This kind of relationship starts with reaching out first.

8. Visit your doctor. If you are moving states with school-age children, check the immunization requirements in your new state before you go. Finding out you are short an immunization when you arrive is a huge hassle — and kids cannot stay in school without the required shots or a signed waiver.

9. Keep all your paperwork together. You will need everything when you move. Keep proof of residency, social security cards, birth certificates, immunization records, and the names and numbers of former physicians and schools in one accessible folder at all times.

10. Have a party. If you can swing it before school starts, invite some kids from the neighborhood or church to a casual activity. It is an awesome way to make a few connections before day one of school. Even a backyard gathering or park meetup works.

11. Host playdates. After a move, invite friends over as soon as possible. If a child is talking about a specific friend, get their number and invite them over. Sometimes it is pizza and a movie; other times it is just playing outside after school. This seems to help forge friendships quickly. Do not hound kids about making friends — check in, but don’t make them feel like they are failing you if it takes time.

12. Involve them right away. It usually goes best to dive in immediately. Before the family arrives in a new hometown, have kids signed up and ready to join a team or start music lessons. People are usually willing to make room for a new kid even when things look full. It is another great way to help kids feel part of a new community from day one.

13. Explore. Once you are in your new home, really explore the area as a family. Find great hikes, parks, rivers, or lakes. Follow the local sports teams. Keep up on festivals and town traditions you can take part in. Physically getting to know your area really helps it feel like home.

Helpful External Resources

Greater Good Science Center — children and transitions

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you help kids adjust after a move?

The most effective ways to help kids adjust after a move: be positive AND honest (both matter), let them start fresh with a new identity, get their room set up quickly, meet with the principal before day one to share your child’s strengths and needs, involve them in activities immediately, and host playdates as soon as possible. Diving in beats easing in every time.

Should you involve kids in activities right away after a move?

Yes — diving in immediately is almost always better when trying to help kids adjust after a move. Sign kids up for sports and activities before you even arrive. People are usually willing to make room for a new kid even if things look full. Being part of a team from day one gives kids an instant connection and keeps them from spending early weeks feeling isolated.

What is the most important step when moving to a new school district?

The single most important step to help kids adjust after a move is meeting with the principal — without your kids present. Share their learning style, strengths, weaknesses. Bring grades and test scores. Let the principal know your child is new and ask for help. Every time Brooke did this, it paid off in better teacher placement and extra support during the transition.