How to Feel Like a Successful Mom Every Day

Knowing how to feel like a successful mom every day is something most mothers actively search for — and most never find — because they are measuring the wrong things. The last few months of intense mothering, with summer here and that “never doing enough” pressure ever present, brought Brooke a piece of advice from her friend Emily Orton that changed everything. This is that advice.

The Advice That Changed Everything

Emily advised women to figure out what makes them feel successful in motherhood, and do more of it. Then, when night comes, instead of listing all the ways you fell short, reflect on how you built relationships in the ways you love.

That shift — from deficit accounting to contribution accounting — is the foundation of how to feel like a successful mom every day. No longer letting one bad exchange, too much screen time, working hours, or forgotten chores cloud all the good stuff. Perfection is not possible, and life is too short to constantly tally failures.

First Step: Know What Makes You Feel Successful

The first step in figuring out how to feel like a successful mom is knowing what your version of success actually looks like. It is different for everyone. Brooke’s list includes: getting outside together, taking advantage of one-on-one time, staying up later than she wants to, talking books and big ideas, making dinner, taking care of herself spiritually so she can teach her kids, playing sports she is terrible at, baking together, getting in the water (sometimes), laughing at dumb memes, cheering for them, and finding ways to serve together.

Your list will look different. The point is to find it.

Second Step: Make It Happen and Be Present

Once you know what makes you feel like a successful mom, make deliberate choices to make those things happen as often as possible. Not all of them every day. Not all of them all day. But some of them, every day. And when they happen, put down the phone and live in the moment. Being REALLY present is what turns a good moment into a memory that counts.

Third Step: Focus on the Good at the End of the Day

The most beautiful part of this shift: you do not have to be a perfect mom to feel like a successful mom. You still work and clean and talk on the phone, but you also make sure the good stuff happens — and then you give yourself credit for it. Are there a million less than ideal times too? Of course. But life is too short to focus on failures when you can focus on joy.

How to Feel Like a Successful Mom: The 7-Step Practice

List all the things that make you feel like a successful mother.
List all the things that bring you joy as a mother.
Keep this list where you can see it, so you can remind yourself of what is truly most important.
Do at least one of these things every day. In fact, start the day with one, so you can immediately call your day a success.
When you do these things, be present so you really FEEL the joy and satisfaction of what you are doing.
At the end of the day, do not focus on what you did not do, but instead focus on how you were successful or how you felt joy.
If it helps, jot it down in a notebook before bed and enjoy what you ARE doing instead of what you AREN’T.

Helpful External Resources

Greater Good Science Center — positive psychology in parenting

Frequently Asked Questions: How to Feel Like a Successful Mom

How do you feel like a successful mom?

Figure out what makes you feel successful in motherhood and do more of it. List everything that makes you feel like a good mom. List everything that brings you joy. Keep that list visible. Do at least one thing on it every day. At the end of the day, reflect on how you were successful in the ways that matter most to you — not on what you didn’t do. That reframe is how to feel like a successful mom every day.

Why does motherhood feel like failure so often?

Motherhood feels like failure because we spend mental energy counting what we did not do rather than what we did. The reframe for how to feel like a successful mom: failure is not the absence of perfect motherhood. It is the absence of noticing the real things. The meals made, the conversations had, the child comforted, the laugh shared — these count, and counting them changes everything.

What makes a mom feel successful?

What makes a mom feel like a successful mom is deeply personal. Brooke’s list includes: getting outside together, one-on-one time, talking books and big ideas, making dinner, playing sports she’s terrible at, baking together, cheering for her kids, and serving together. Your list will look different. The exercise is to find yours — then protect it by making at least one thing happen every single day.