A Love Letter from the Dads of Yesterday to the Fathers of Today

This love letter from the dads of yesterday to the fathers of today was written with the help of six fantastic fathers and grandfathers who offered their advice and encouragement, compiled here by Brooke into one timely letter. It is the Father’s Day message every son, husband, and father deserves to read.

Dear fathers of today,

Being a father has never been an easy job, but you are doing it so well. When we had our children, some of us could only look at them through the glass window of the hospital nursery. Today, you are there during, through, and right after birth. You are a valued and loving partner from the very beginning. What a wonderful opportunity for us to see you so involved from the start of your children’s lives.

We love watching you change diapers, rock babies, and comfort toddlers — so secure and competent in your role as father. You are masters at using your time wisely, somehow finishing work early enough to coach a ballgame and cheer at a dance recital. You make time for hobbies that keep you active and happy, and you teach them to your children so you can enjoy things together. You find time to keep in touch with friends, date your wives, serve in your church and communities, work out and stay healthy. All of this makes us so proud.

Fathers today are much more creative and less rigid. You allow your children to explore all kinds of activities, supporting them in passions you never had. You have learned to do things that used to make us uncomfortable — playing dress-up, having tea parties, talking about drugs and sex, just sitting and listening. You try to see life from your children’s perspectives, and we see stronger bonds because of it. You really are doing an incredible work.

What the Dads of Yesterday Want the Fathers of Today to Hear

Dads love to give advice, so we must caution you about a few things. Don’t let technology and media teach and train your children. If you allow this, you will miss out on relationships you will desperately crave later. It is so easy to turn on the TV or hand over an iPad, but resist that urge and instead do something with your children — put together a puzzle, read, draw, shoot hoops, work, talk — anything that will bring you together.

Each child needs firm but loving discipline, and many children are missing that in their lives today. It is okay to set boundaries and enforce consequences. This will teach your children about integrity and honesty and allow them to develop into the types of adults our world needs. Make them work and earn money, even when no one else has to. Be the person you would want your children to emulate.

Make sure there is time for family and play in your children’s lives. There are a million worthy things to be involved in, but each child does not need to do everything. Help them develop talents but don’t let the extracurricular take over the significant.

Do not define yourself by the amount of money you make. Money can create ease, but it does not create happiness; people do. Love, honor, and respect your wife, and be sure your children know you are a team. If marriage is difficult, do what you can to fix it. Forgive, love more, go to counseling, get help.

Take care of your parents. While this may seem a selfish request coming from this generation, you will find great joy and growth in yourself as you take time to love those who have loved you. Say all you wanted to say, express your love and gratitude often, and nurture that relationship until the end.

There are so many things we have learned along the way. We wish we would have kept things a little lighter and had more fun. We wish we would have smiled more and reprimanded less. We should have slowed down and shared more of our time and our dreams with our family. We could have spoken more quietly and calmly, especially during discipline.

Our Hope for the Fathers of Today

We hope that you will seek to understand those you love, especially when they are hard to love. Remember that money is a means for living, not the reason for it. Never confuse needs with wants. Be generous with your resources, praise, and time. Value service and honesty above wealth and prestige. Be secure enough to not be disappointed when your children choose a different path. Encourage humility in success and grace in defeat. Allow your children to fail, and when they do, share in their pain.

Don’t ever give up on yourself or on your children. Different stages of child-rearing and professional life can be extraordinarily stressful, but remember — they are stages. Keep loving and trying, and things do get better. One day, I promise, you will miss the chaos.

Try to have one-on-one time with each child. Tell them you love them. Praise their talents, abilities, and effort. Let them know what makes them special to you. Make memories with your kids. Nothing has to be grand or expensive; just be present.

My dear sons, we are sure we didn’t do everything right, but we look at you and know that somehow, someone makes up for our shortcomings. We are so proud of the men you have become. You were our little boys, then our friends, and now you are people we look up to. You are good, you are kind, you are strong, and you are trying so hard every day. So keep loving, keep trying, keep going. We are here for you, forever and always.

The dads of yesterday.

Helpful External Resources

Greater Good Science Center — the science of fatherhood

Frequently Asked Questions

What do experienced fathers want younger dads to know?

The love letter from the dads of yesterday to the fathers of today warns against: letting technology teach children instead of doing it yourself, failing to set firm and loving boundaries, letting extracurriculars crowd out the significant, and defining success by money. Their most important counsel: keep loving, keep trying, keep going. Have one-on-one time with each child. Just be present.

What are the most important things a father can do for his children?

From the love letter from the dads of yesterday to the fathers of today: one-on-one time with each child, tell them you love them, praise their specific talents, make memories, teach them to solve their own problems, and teach them about something bigger than themselves. Nothing has to be grand or expensive. Just be present.

What is a good Father’s Day message from an older generation?

The love letter from the dads of yesterday to the fathers of today: you were our little boys, then our friends, and now you are people we look up to. We watch you and you are becoming something greater than we had ever hoped. Keep loving, keep trying, keep going. We are here for you, forever and always.