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10 Things to Do Before Getting Your Child a Smartphone

Getting your child a smartphone was the beginning of a journey the Romneys have spent years figuring out. They started, made mistakes, changed rules midway, and eventually landed on an approach that made technology a much more peaceful and sane part of family life. If they could do it over, these ten things would have been in place before the first phone was ever purchased. Changing rules and expectations after the fact is hard. Starting with a clear, agreed-upon understanding makes everything easier.

10 Things to Do Before Getting Your Child a Smartphone

1. Wait. If you are considering getting your child a smartphone, hold on and give it a little more time. Every child seems to have one except yours, but that is probably not true — and there really is no rush. They will have a lifetime to be plugged in. Once you start, it is very hard to go back. Make sure there is a real need and a decent amount of maturity before you purchase a smartphone for your child.

2. Start slowly. Begin with a flip phone. Not the most socially acceptable option, but remember: it is your money, your contract, and your home. A flip phone teaches kids what a phone is actually for — communication. It gives you a chance to establish phone etiquette before apps enter the picture. When was the last time you heard a disturbing story about a teen with a flip phone?

3. Get a filter. Do not give your child a smartphone without a filter. OurPact allows you to monitor time spent on the phone, restrict certain apps, set bedtime schedules, filter browsers, and block all usage from your own phone. On iPhones, Screen Time under Settings provides substantial built-in parental controls at no cost. Set it up with a passcode only you know. If you cannot afford a filter for time and content, think carefully before getting your child a smartphone at all.

4. Block downloads. Set the phone up so every app download — even free ones — requires parent approval. This opens conversation and gives you a chance to research apps before approving them. Do your homework before saying yes.

5. Set a phone schedule. Phones should not be available 24/7. Turn social media and gaming apps off during school, put phones away during homework and dinner, set overall daily time limits, and have phones charge outside bedrooms overnight. This allows you to check the phone when you feel it is necessary.

6. Know the codes. You are the parent. You should always know the access codes. Ask for the device periodically and check in — before anything can be erased. If you find something that concerns you, calmly converse about expectations, improvement, and change. Show love and work on solutions together.

7. Have the conversation — and have it again and again. Before getting your child a smartphone, they need to understand: everything they say, do, or send online can be seen forever. Nothing disappears. Every video remains. Share scary stories about sexting, violent threats, and online bullying. Make firm rules about account privacy. Don’t say anything online you wouldn’t say in person.

8. Start social media slowly or not at all. If you can avoid social media altogether, do it. If not, start with a profile on your phone as the password holder and allow access only when you are around to monitor. Follow your child on all platforms, log into their account regularly, and decide together who they can follow and who can follow them. Warn them about what they will encounter: being left out, inappropriate photos, requests for nude photos, bullying, depression from low likes. These are real and should be talked about openly.

9. Set up consequences for misuse. At the Romneys’ house: when homework is not done, time is being wasted, or kids are unresponsive, it is almost always because of an electronic device. Removing that device is logical. When grades are good, family engagement is high, physical activity is happening, and chores are done, a phone in moderation is fine.

10. Take breaks. Periodically, prove that life is possible without the phone. Even one or two days provides a real detox and a wonderful reset. Every time this happens, perspective returns and kids realize how much time was being consumed and how nice life is unplugged.

The Bottom Line on Getting Your Child a Smartphone

Phones are here to stay and kids do need to learn how to use them. But unregulated, unmonitored use does not teach them anything. As parents, you have the privilege and burden of helping them figure out how to use technology without letting go of the beauty that is real, screen-free life. If it feels too late, it is not. Now that you know better, do better.

Related Reading

• 9 things before your child signs up for Instagram
• the incredibly easy internet safety cheat sheet
• I love you too much to get you a phone

Helpful External Resources

• Common Sense Media — smartphones and kids guide

Frequently Asked Questions: Getting Your Child a Smartphone

How old should a child be before getting your child a smartphone?

There is no right age for getting your child a smartphone — but wait. Whatever age you are considering, give it a little more time. Once you start, it is hard to go back. Before getting your child a smartphone, ask: is there a real need? Do they have the emotional maturity to handle the responsibilities? Starting with a flip phone first is far better than jumping straight to a smartphone with unlimited apps.

What rules should you set before getting your child a smartphone?

Before getting your child a smartphone, agree in advance on: a phone schedule (off during school, homework, dinner, and bedtime), a filter app like OurPact, parent-approved-only app downloads, parents always know the passcode, a serious conversation about appropriate use, and direct consequences for misuse. Establishing these at the start is far easier than changing them later.

What filter should parents use when getting your child a smartphone?

Top recommendation before getting your child a smartphone: OurPact to monitor time, restrict apps, set schedules, and filter browsers. On iPhones, Screen Time under Settings provides substantial built-in parental controls at no cost. Set it up with a passcode only you know immediately. If you cannot afford a filter for time and content, reconsider whether the timing is right for a smartphone at all.