Can We Just Be Honest?
Can we just be honest? Being honest is hard. But being honest about important things — the things that actually matter — is the hardest. Not the once-every-six-months bare-your-soul Instagram post about struggling with perfectionism, not the funny story about your “naughty” child, not the tell-all photo confession about leaving dishes in your sparkling farmhouse sink. Actual honesty. About things that matter.
What We Do Instead of Being Honest
In our real lives — the lives that don’t take place in front of or behind a screen — we try, with all the energy of body and soul, to keep up appearances, put on happy faces, and sweep everything unpleasant under the rug. It is basically second nature to pretend like everything is always fine. But let me ask: for what?
I am not advocating for a litany of complaints and negativity. The world is not served by people who only see or talk about the bad. But real relationships are not built on superficial platitudes and glossy smiles. And can we just be honest? Most of us are living under the weight of things we have never shared with anyone who could help.
What Would Happen If We Can We Just Be Honest?
What if your friends knew that postpartum depression is a daily nightmare, or that you think your toddler might have autism? What if your neighbor found out your heart is broken because your daughter is still a mean girl, or your adult son refuses to come around? What if you told your extended family that you were struggling to pay the bills or really struggling with your faith? What if you admitted to your teen that you made a parenting mistake?
What if you told the truth? Not a confession for the world to see — but shared actual, real struggles with someone close who cares. What would happen if you opened your heart?
Do you think the people who supposedly love you would walk away? It shouldn’t be that way. With the right people by your side, honesty brings solutions, empathy, real love, and friendship. It has happened this way countless times for Brooke.
Three Times Honesty Changed Everything
As a young mom with three little boys, she arrived at the neighborhood park at a complete breaking point. She could have pretended to be a rock star and played duck-duck-goose, but instead she was honest. Her friends picked up the pieces of her lackluster motherhood moment and stepped right in, giving her a few minutes of sanity she desperately needed.
When she shared questions and weaknesses in her faith with those she worshipped with, there were no cold shoulders or dropped jaws. Instead there were quiet nods, helpful ideas, and words of encouragement. They didn’t need her to be a saint. They loved her because they were all imperfect together and doing their best to figure it all out.
At the end of a gym class, her tears were flowing after an especially hard week. A few caring women noticed, and she opened up. They shared their own battles, some so painful her petty problems were put in perspective. They inspired her to carry on with faith. They could have stayed the peppy, beautiful, and strong gym women she thought they were. Instead, they became so much more.
Why We Need to Ask Can We Just Be Honest
Knowledge has the power to change hearts. After learning about a friend’s depression, her capacity for love and patience with that friend increased. When another friend confided about her son’s emotional hardships, she was able to see him as a warrior instead of just a really hard kid. It was suddenly easy to become his fan.
If you give truth a try, people will surprise you. There is no shame in struggle. It is what unites us, if we will let it. No one should have to wait until they are completely broken before asking for help, love, or understanding. Independence is often revered and celebrated, but it is also terribly lonely.
We cannot bear one another’s burdens if no one will share them. God did not send us here in families and communities so we could walk our most difficult roads alone. He counts on us to intertwine our needs, our lives, and our hearts. Can we just be honest? I think so. I think we are more ready than we think.
Related Reading
- you are never too old to feel alone
- making mom friends: forging real life connection
- stop being friendly and start being a friend
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Frequently Asked Questions: Can We Just Be Honest?
Why is it so hard to be honest about struggles?
Can we just be honest? It’s hard because we spend most of our energy keeping up appearances and pretending everything is fine. But real relationships are not built on superficial platitudes. They are built on the moments when we opened up and discovered that someone saw us and still loved us.
What happens when you share your real struggles?
When can we just be honest actually happens, three things tend to follow: you receive solutions you couldn’t generate alone, empathy that changes how you feel, and real love and friendship that platitudes cannot create. Knowledge changes hearts. After learning about a friend’s struggle, your patience and love for them increase automatically.
How do you start being more honest with people who care about you?
Can we just be honest starts with a small step: tell a close friend one true thing about a struggle you’ve been pretending isn’t there. Not a social media post — a real, private conversation with someone who cares. The right people will not walk away. They will step in. No one should have to wait until completely broken before asking for help.
LOVE this as always. You write what’s in my heart. I think it takes self-confidence and humility to be honest like what you described. How would someone learn how to do it?
Thanks so much Rachel! Like anything, I think it takes practice. Telling the truth, opening up, showing weakness. I was the exact opposite of this, trying to look perfect all the time, until I just couldn’t anymore. It was too exhausting. Once I was humbled by circumstance, I gave in, realized that I wasn’t perfect and neither were my husband or children and it was okay! Now, I am most definitely an over sharer, but it is such a better way to live!