Teen Talk Tuesday: Meeting Our Daily Needs

This Teen Talk Tuesday is a great way to check in on all of my children to make sure they are meeting our daily needs. You can have this conversation in a group or one on one, but I love it as a group — it is less awkward, there are more ideas, and there is better family buy-in. One thing I found was that even my one child who acted like this was kind of dumb ended up changing some of his behaviors on his own.

This conversation is especially important as our lives become more and more digital. Most of these needs were met by default in other eras, but today we often have to make a real effort. When my kids are grumpy or feeling down, I also run through this list with them to see what they might need more of that day.

The Meeting Our Daily Needs Conversation

Me: There was a study that said all kids need these four things every day to feel happy: nature, physical touch, human connection, and physical movement. How is our family doing on these? What do we need more of?

Kids: I feel like we go outside a lot.

Me: True, we do have the nature part down, but it is getting colder, which might make it more difficult. What could we do to make sure we still get out into nature?

Kids: We could shovel snow for people, or walk instead of drive when we are going somewhere close. We could walk home from school.

Me: Good ideas. How are we doing with physical touch?

Kids: We wrestle a lot.

Me: True. I have been reading about how important hugs are. I know everyone is not a hugger, but it is so important for all of us, so let’s try to hug before school and before bed. I need to be better about that too — you are all going to have to remind me because I am not great at this. How are we doing with physical movement?

Kids: Really good. We all have practice for our stuff.

Me: You are right, but sometimes that isn’t every day, and with the weather turning, how can we make sure we are getting physical movement in?

Kids: We could do push-ups and sit-ups before bed each night, or jumping jacks. Or more family walks or basketball games when we are having a slower day.

Me: I love that. I need it too. When I am sedentary during the day, I just feel kind of low. Let’s remind each other to be active whenever we can. What about human connection?

Kids: What does that even mean?

Me: Talking with people face to face, or even on the phone, or doing and sharing things with people that make you feel really connected. Like this conversation, or working together, or playing a game or doing homework together.

Kids: Oh, okay. We are fine.

Me: I thought you might say that, but we can improve. Having dinner together screen-free and really talking helps me feel connected. Playing games together, working on a project together — all those things make me feel connected to you and will help you feel more connected to each other. What do you think?

Kids: Yeah, those things too I guess.

Me: What keeps us from meeting our daily needs in those four areas?

Kids: Electronics. Being lazy.

Me: How can we all help each other meet those four needs every day?

Kids: We can just remind each other. If someone is just watching TV or on their phone, we can invite them to do something else with us. We could set timers to remind us too.

Me: I love those ideas. What if someone is feeling especially grumpy?

Kids: Maybe we should see what we are missing of those four things and try one of them to see if we feel better.

Me: I love that. Let’s give all these ideas a try and see if it helps our family feel closer and happier this week.

How Meeting Our Daily Needs Changed Our Family

After this conversation, meeting our daily needs became a real tool we actually use. When my kids are irritable, anxious, or withdrawn, instead of defaulting to a lecture, I now run through the checklist: nature, touch, connection, movement. Often the answer tells me exactly what they need — and it gives them language to tell me too. Even the child who thought this was dumb has used it on himself without being prompted. That is a win.

Helpful External Resources

Greater Good Science Center — what children and teens need to thrive

Frequently Asked Questions: Meeting Our Daily Needs

What are the four daily needs children require to feel happy?

Meeting our daily needs means getting four things every day: time in nature, physical touch, human connection (face-to-face or on the phone, doing things that create a sense of closeness), and physical movement. As life becomes more digital, these needs that were met by default in other eras now require intentional effort. When my kids are grumpy or feeling down, I run through this list to see what they might be missing.

How do you get more nature, physical touch, and connection in daily life?

Meeting our daily needs when the weather turns cold: walk instead of drive, shovel snow for neighbors, hug before school and before bed, have dinner screen-free, play a game or work on a project together, set timers as reminders to move. When someone is especially grumpy, the first question is now which of the four things they are missing.

How do you use daily needs as a parenting tool?

Meeting our daily needs became a real tool we use. When kids are irritable or withdrawn, instead of a lecture I run through the checklist: outside today? Physical touch? Real human connection? Moved their body? Often the answer tells me exactly what they need — and it gives them language to tell me too.